Drunken Divination
by Ahja Reyn
Summary: [HPCoF UNIVERSE] After a wild night at a Slytherin party, things start spinning out of control for the MalfoyPotter children and their close friends. implied pairings [HPCoF UNIVERSE]


**Title**: Drunken Divination

**Author**: Reyn

**Rating**: OT (older teen...I don't know if it's a fanfiction rating, but I've seen it on mangas, so I know it exists.)

**Warning**: Set in the CoF universe, teenage pregnancy, alcohol and drug use by minors

**Disclaimer**: I may not own Harry Potter and company, but I sure as hell own the children!

**Dedication**: This story is dedicated to my own genius. Sound selfish? LoL. Don't worry. There's a reason for the dedication being to my own stoopid creativity as most of you will see at the end.

**Author Note**: Happy Birthday Jasmine and Rose! I know you two enjoy pranks that stress people out to no end, so this ficlet should be right up your alley. Oh! And for those of you who care, this story's writing style was inspired by _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ movie.

**D R U N K E N . D I V I N A T I O N**

(Late Saturday night)

The walls seemed to be moving as waves of green lights danced over their grey stones, letting all those who were too drunk or high to realize that this was Slytherin territory. High-backed chairs and long luxurious couches had been pushed back to the edges of the room and were currently hidden beneath masses of writhing, thrusting bodies, all of which were partaking in a massive orgy.

From one's position on the dance floor (currently situated in the middle of the room), the vision of the orgy was slightly obscured by the throng of bodies displaying their lust wantonly, keeping in time with the beats of the blaring music. Luckily, such chaos kept many people's attention away from a particular group of students who seemed very involved with each other on one of the couches.

If one were to notice, all they would be able to make out is a disarray of clothes simply moved out of the way for easier access, a lot of sweaty skin, and the fact that the four people had strawberry blonde, cherry black, red, and brown hair.

But, as was stated before, no one was really paying much attention, what with being far too wrapped up in his or her own lust-induced haze. No one, that is, except a certain blond.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo!**

(The next morning)

It was now Sunday morning, and at the Gryffindor table, Gabriel Malfoy-Potter, along with his two Marauder friends, sat nursing killer hangovers. For some reason, all the Hangover Relief potions in the 7th year boys' dorm had mysteriously disappeared.

"You really shouldn't have drunk so much." Lief Malfoy-Potter, youngest of the Malfoy-Potter family, scolded. "I didn't let you three tag along so you could make arses out of yourselves the next morning."

"Well, we wouldn't be in this predicament if our supply of potions hadn't vanished into thin air." Mack complained; his voice muffled slightly due to the fact that he was sitting with his face resting on the cool wood of the table.

"You know, it's kind of sad that you had to beg your younger brother to take you to a Slytherin party." Dee Ryder said to a highly irritable Gabe. "I mean, you three are supposed to be the epiphany of popular, and yet you couldn't even score yourselves your own invitations."

Gabe scowled. "Blame my sisters. They enjoy detesting us simply to spite us."

"I don't think they hate us that much." Rama said from his position next to Lief; currently curled into the young Malfoy-Potter, with the upper half of his head buried in the nook between head and shoulder. "I mean, we were still able to get in, right?"

"Ger'off." Lief mumbled, shrugging Rama off of him and into Mack, who happened to be on the other side of the werewolf.

Rama whined. "Mack, hold me. Lief is being horrible and doesn't love me anymore."

"Fuck off. You're being too loud." Mack snapped, scooting away from the body now leaning on him, causing Rama to fall over.

Rama let out a yip, causing those sitting nearby to burst into laughter.

"Shut up!" Gabe yelled, instantly wincing as his own words caused his head to pound. "Merlin, I need a strong cup of tea."

"A nice dark room, too." Mack added. "Preferably with a cool breeze."

"And silence." Gabe agreed.

"I wanna go back to bed." Rama complained, once again leaning on Mack.

"If you all are in that much pain, then why don't you go ask Madame Pomfery to take care of you?" Lief asked.

"And get ourselves in trouble? No thanks." Gabe said.

"What? Regardless of how bad the story you feed her is, she never asks too many questions, so you guys should be fine." Lief said innocently.

To this, Gabe looked up. "Lief, is there something you're not telling us?"

"Er…no?"

"Good, because you're supposed to be the pure one out of the lot of us." Gabe said, eyeing Lief suspiciously for a moment before the task became too much of a burden. "And I'd hate to see you give in to our evil ways."

Lief rolled his eyes. "So says the older brother who spent the entire party refusing all forms of potions and drugs passed his way so he could take care of a completely smashed Parker."

"Aw, that's so sweet." Said Cami Wendell, a fellow Gryffindor classmate of Gabe's, from several seats down the table.

"Is that where you were all night? And you still show up this morning with a hangover from Voldemort's grave?" Mack asked incredulously.

Gabe chose not to dignify such accusations with a response, but his bright blush was more than enough proof.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo!**

(A little over two months later)

The skies were sunny and blue, spotted with a few white fluffy clouds, perfect weather for Quidditch. But, seeing as how no games or practices were scheduled for the day, the pitch was open to any and all.

Any and all included Gabriel Malfoy-Potter, Mack Weasley, Rama Lupin, Lief Malfoy-Potter, Levi Devenpeck, Tycho Brahe, Rigel MacFusty, and Joey Weasley. They were currently in the middle of a rather intense game of 4 vs. 4, with Lief and Gabe as opposing Seekers.

Several curious students had wandered out, simply to watch the two brothers show off against each other in a rare display of rivalry. Of course, since the snitch was no where in sight, the display was more about showing off who could do better tricks on their broom, leaving the real game to Tycho and Rigel, and Mack and Joey, the opposing Chasers in charge of scoring with the quaffle.

The game ended when Lief made a spectacular dive (riding his broom upside-down) and caught the snitch – fingers brushing the grass. Gabe had been in the middle of yelling at Rama for aiming a fast bludger at his crotch, and didn't even realize he had lost until Lief (along with everyone else) was level with him, snitch in hand and a large smile on his face.

Unable to do anything other than shake his head and smile at his younger brother's wicked skills, Gabe patted him on the back and congratulated him on an excellent game before grabbing the snitch and attempting to shove it down Rama's throat, still quite angry about that bludger.

While all of this was going on, Rose and Jasmine Malfoy-Potter were sitting in the stands, watching the boys make arses out of themselves on their brooms.

"I still think they won't accept it." Rose said in a bored tone.

"They're Gryffindors, they'll accept it whether they want to or not. Plus they'll take full responsibility in every shape and form." Jasmine said simply.

"Are we sure about this?" Rose asked, standing up now that the game was over.

"The charms never lie, unless we preformed them wrong." Jasmine said, following suit.

"Yes, doing them wrong fifteen times over is rather unlikely." Rose said, casting one last look at the figures on their brooms before turning to leave.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo!**

(Dinner)

The sound of someone clearing their throat caused Rama and Lief to pause in their fight over who would get the last chicken drum off of Lief's plate. Looking up, the group of boys were all quite surprised to see none other than the Malfoy-Potter twins standing over them.

"Hey Jasmine. Rose." Lief greeted, still refusing to give up his hold on the chicken, despite Rama's insistent tugging. "Is there something you needed?"

"Yes, we need to speak with Mack and Rama." Rose said; looking slightly put off at the manly eating habits that were currently being displayed before her.

"Perhaps this was a bad idea." Jasmine said, her lip curling in disgust as Rama gave up trying to pry the meat away from Lief and simply began to eat it straight from the young Malfoy-Potter's hand.

"No, we were nearly finished anyways." Mack said, somehow managing to stuff the remainder of his food (which consisted of a half-eaten apple cobbler pie, several slices of ham, and a small pile of asparagus) into his mouth before standing to leave. "C'm'n Ruh-muh." He said thickly.

Rama shrugged and stood, leaving Lief with the last, now partially eaten, drumstick.

"Why would they want to talk to them? Normally, the only Gryffindor they willingly associate with is you." Gabe said, frowning slightly.

Lief shrugged, putting the drumstick down on Rama's abandoned plate in disgust. "They're most likely planning something that has to do with us."

"You'd think they'd be more discreet about it."

"Maybe it's to throw us off."

Gabe looked at his younger brother. "Well, it doesn't seem to be working with you."

Lief grinned. "You forget that I'm their favorite. Whatever they're planning can't be nearly as bad for me as it would be for you."

"Are you saying I should be worried?" Gabe asked.

Lief simply shrugged and continued to grin as Levi nudged him, indicating that his group of friends were leaving.

"Look on the bright side, if it's too horrible, Mack will warn you." Lief said as both he and Gabe stood to leave.

Once in the Gryffindor common room, Gabe settled back on one of the chairs by the fire and watched Lief and his friends play a game of Exploding Snap while waiting for Mack and Rama to return.

Nearly an hour later, the portrait door finally swung open, admitting a rather pale Rama and grim-looking Mack. Both Gabe and Lief exchanged a look at the boy's state. Noticing their worry, Rama offered Lief a sad smile in an attempt of reassurance.

"What's going on?" Gabe asked as his two friends sat down.

"Er…perhaps here isn't the best place to discuss this." Mack said, glancing around.

Gabe scowled and stood, leading the way up the steps to the boys' seventh year dorms, Lief tagging along behind.

In the next few moments, the Gryffindor common room was silenced by a shout.

"_THEY'RE **WHAT?**_"

Several minutes later, just when everyone deemed it safe enough to start talking again, they were silenced once more by the sound of a door slamming shut, only to be opened again accompanied with the sound of Rama's voice calling out to Lief to wait. This was followed by another door slamming shut as Rama's pleas and hammering fists echoed through a once again silent common room.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo!**

In the days that followed, a certain tension had settled over the Hogwarts castle. Lief could constantly be seen with those of his age group, and had not even once wandered into Slytherin territory unless it was for Potions. Many became worried as this once bright ray of sunshine turned into a dark, brooding cloud; hardly even cracking a smile anymore.

Gabe was a perfect picture of barely-controlled Malfoy fury, strutting about the castle in a billow of robes and an air of coldness. He had stopped talking to either of his Marauder friends, despite the fact that he could still be seen with them.

Not even Parker knew what had transpired between the once tight-knit group of friends, but he was quite sure it had something to do with Rama, Mack, and the Malfoy-Potter twins. This was all he could tell the worried Professor Malfoy-Potter, much to the teacher's dismay.

He already knew that much. What he wanted to know was why Rama and Mack had asked to talk to both him and Draco when classes for the day were over. Glancing at the clock, Harry dismissed his last class, watching sadly as his youngest son took his time in packing his bag.

Suddenly, Rama burst into the classroom, not even bothering to apologize to, or even acknowledge the startled Professor. His eyes focused solely on a shocked Lief, Rama grabbed the poor boy by the arm before dragging him out of class to where Jasmine, Rose, Mack, and a rather put-out Gabe were waiting.

Slightly baffled, Harry decided not to ask as he headed towards his private chambers to Floo over to the Malfoy-Potter residence to collect his husband.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo!**

Draco Malfoy-Potter stood in his husband's private office wearing the deepest of scowls. Thanks to Harry's wicked tongue, quick hands, and effective pinning methods, Draco had not only missed a meeting with the other school governors, but had also been tricked into agreeing to meet with both Rama and Mack. Damn the immortal being that invented the prostrate! And damn Harry for knowing exactly how to use his penis to tease the prostrate just barely enough to the point of making Draco agree to anything that was asked of him.

So now he was stuck glaring at the werewolf and the Weasel as the pair shifted nervously under the scrutinizing eyes of two extremely protective fathers. The sound of a knock on the door, drew both men's attention away from the anxious teens.

"Er…come in." Harry said.

Draco's glower instantly softened as he watched all of his children shuffle silently into the room. However, his frown quickly returned as he noticed the downcast eyes Lief, the borderline smirk on Gabe, and why the hell were Jasmine and Rose now standing between Rama and Mack?

"One of you, I don't care who, better explain what is going on." Draco said dangerously.

"Er…alright." Mack said nervously. "Well, you see Uncle…er…Mr. Malfoy-Potter, we – Rama and I – were wondering if we could have your permission and blessing to marry both Jasmine and Rose."

"WHAT!" a pair of voices shouted.

"Absolutely not!" Draco stated furiously.

"Oh no, Father. You should wait to hear their reasoning." Gabe said maliciously.

"And _what_ would that be exactly?" Harry asked coldly, his look of intimidation surpassing that of even Lucius Malfoy.

"Er…well…you see Mr. Draco, Mr. Potter…there was this party a few months ago…just a small gathering of friends really…ok, so it was more of a bunch of strangers in a wild bash – but that's besides the point. You see -."

"Rama and Mack got completely smashed and started their own little orgy with Jasmine and Rose." Lief said, cutting off Rama's stuttering.

"_WHAT?_"

"Wah! Don't worry sir! It was completely consensual! At least, we're pretty sure it was consensual!" Mack said; fighting hard not to cower under the murderous look he was currently being given by both fathers.

"Oh for crying out loud, Father, Dad, we're pregnant." Jasmine stated, tired of waiting for their husbands-to-be to get to the point.

"And Mack and Rama are the fathers. Although we're not sure who's is who's." Rose added.

"**_WHAT?_**"

The air around them seemed to swirl with magical energy, causing several papers to sweep off of Professor Potter's desk, as both Harry and Draco looked from Rama, to Mack, and back to Rama again, both obviously struggling to keep their fury controlled lest their wandless magic grew out of hand.

"Explain." Harry said through clenched teeth, his hands balled into fists.

A thoroughly pissed off Harry terrified the children far more than an infuriated Draco, simply because Harry was such an easygoing man nowadays, and it took quite a bit to tick him off. Plus the fact that it was his anger and pain that sort of defeated Voldemort. That alone was enough to scare the completely soiled pants off any normal witch or wizard, who had the misfortune of having such a wrath directed at them.

"Right, well, I don't know about Rama here, but I can promise you that I have always found both Jasmine and Rose to be very fine young ladies -."

"And did either of us EVER give you permission to look at our daughters that way?" Draco asked, his eyes flashing silver.

"No, but as a growing male, one can't help but notice such things, and, er, we're very, very sorry, but things sort of got out of control at the party and out of everyone at the orgy, ours were the only ones that sort of s-slipped in!" Mack said in a rush, his voice cracking as he spoke in an octave higher than normal. "We're totally prepared to accept our responsibilities, which is why we asked for their hands in marriage!"

It was then that Rama decided (quite stupidly) to grow some balls. "Isn't this great, Grandpa? Pretty soon you'll have a bunch of little freckled redheads, and part-cubs running around! Or better yet, ginger haired puppies!"

"_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

"DRACO! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WAKE UP!"

The blond shot up in bed, breathing heavily, struggling to get out of the tangle of sheets in a blind panic.

"Merlin, calm _down_, Love! Breathe!" Harry said forcefully as he grabbed Draco and held him close. "That's it."

"No! Ger'off! I can't let them -." Draco pushed himself away from his husband, landing on the floor with a thump before attempting to jump up and run off, only to fall back to the floor again due to his legs still being tangled in the blankets.

"Draco, what the hell? What are you doing?" Harry demanded as he jumped out of bed to chase after the panicked ex-Slytherin, who was now free of the bedspread and currently running out of the room.

Harry chased his lover down the hall and into the children's wing, before he was finally able to tackle Draco down to the floor.

"Merlin, Draco, your not only going to wake up the kids, but scare the hell out of them as well. Now CALM DOWN!" Harry said as he pinned Draco down by straddling his hips and pinning his wrists over his head.

"Daddy?" A sleepy voice asked.

Harry looked up to see both his daughters standing before him, holding hands and looking very tired. Next to them stood an irritable-looking Gabe with a wide-eyed Lief standing partially behind his older brother, clutching his snitch covered pajama shirt tightly in one fist as he peered at the spectacle before him.

"Are you two _trying_ to traumatize me before I turn fourteen?" Gabe asked; scowling at the position his fathers were in.

"Jasmine! Rose!" Draco exclaimed, wrenching himself free of Harry's grasp and scrambling to his knees before his daughters. "You…you're not pregnant."

Both girls exchanged shocked looks, unsure of what to say about their father's odd behavior.

"What? Draco, they're barely even eleven! Why the hell would they be pregnant?" Harry asked.

"Oh, thank Merlin!" Draco said happily, pulling his two little angels into a tight hug.

"Uhm, Father? Are you feeling alright?" Rose asked as the hug lasted longer than normal.

"Because if you aren't, then we promise to never slip some of our potion experiments in your tea ever again." Jasmine said.

"Yes, we'll feed them to Mack and Rama instead." Rose added.

At this, Draco quickly pulled away. "Now I want you two to listen to me. No matter how tempting they may even seem to you as you get older, I want both of you to avoid those two at all costs, do you hear me? And don't you ever invite them to any Slytherin parties. That is final." He said sternly, glaring down each girl into compliance.

"Yes, Father." They said quickly, despite their confusion.

"And you," Draco said, turning his attention to his youngest son, "I don't know what your deal is with Lupin's boy, but don't you even think about it."

Instead of answering, Lief looked up at Gabe in confusion, before both boys turned their gaze to their Dad.

"Ok, kids, why don't you all head on back to bed? Your father simply had a nightmare is all and was just a little worried. Go on Jasmine, Rose." Harry said as he stood up kissing the twins on their forehead and ushering them off to their rooms. "Gabe, Lief, you too." Harry ruffled Gabe's hair, and picked Lief up, squeezing him tightly and giving him a kiss on his temple.

"Night Daddy!" A chorus of voices called out before all the children disappeared into their rooms.

Once the last door clicked shut, Harry turned to his husband. "Care to explain what that was all about?"

"Oh Harry it was horrible. The Weasel's brat and Lupin's punk nearly became our son-in-laws!"

Harry frowned. "_THAT_ _was your nightmare! Merlin, Draco, how shallow can you get_!" He hissed angrily, resorting to Parseltongue to help keep his voice down to a whisper.

"_Ginger haired PUPPIES, Potter!_" Draco hissed back, shock and fear quickly turning to anger.

Harry glared at his husband, struggling to remember why he loved him in the first place. "_With the way I was woken up, I was worried you were having a nightmare about the Final Battle!_"

"_This was a million times worse than the Final Battle!_"

"How can anything be worse than the Final Battle?" Harry demanded both anger and hurt shining through his eyes.

Draco looked down, instantly regretting his words. "You're right, Love, I'm sorry. That was out of line for me. I'm just a little out of it is all."

"We're both out of it. We're just tired." Harry said, holding his hand out to help the blond up. "Come on, it's late and we still have hours of sleep left to catch up on."

Draco smiled as his lover helped him to his feet, wrapping an arm around his waist, pulling him close.

"It really was an awful dream." Draco said as Harry led him back to their room.

"Godric, you are such a poncy git." Harry said, chuckling lightly.

"If I'm poncy, then you're a poof." Draco retorted.

"A poof, eh?" Harry asked, opening the bedroom door.

"Yes, but you're _my_ poof." Draco said, smiling as he wrapped both arms around Harry before pulling him towards the bed.

**Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo! Doodle-eh-doo!**

"It said in the book to use hare's blood, but we used rabbit's instead. Maybe that's what caused him to go all funny like that." Jasmine said thoughtfully.

"Do you think that Fortune Telling potion we slipped into Father's tea worked?" Rose asked her sister through the darkness of their bedroom.

"I hope not. Whatever Father dreamed about sure seemed scary." Jasmine replied.

"Maybe we shouldn't give Father anymore of our potions." Rose suggested.

"Yeah. From now on, we'll give them to Gabe and his friends." Jasmine agreed as she yawned, closing her eyes.

"Yeah." Rose agreed, succumbing to sleep right after deciding that the _Know Your Future_ book in their library wasn't worth the trouble it obviously caused.

* * *

**End Note:** Damn, this fic turned out a bit darker than I intended it to be. (Wanted to cry for hurting Lief like that.) I blame the drama that I got stuck going through while writing this. Oh well. The general idea of it is hilarious, right? I mean come on, the twins sleeping with a drunk Mack and Rama, only to get pregnant, and engaged, and suddenly Draco wakes up from his worst nightmare.

For those of you who were hoping to see the twins a bit more in this fic (seeing as how its their birthday and all) I'm sorry. I had to keep up the third person POV to keep everything somewhat in the dark. I hope you all enjoyed this fic regardless!


End file.
